Tuesday, February 3

I have problems. I can't sleep, i can't think of anything funny to say, and I eat far too much cake and it dribbles from my mouth and the makeup girl says i should wipe it off but i don't care right now. See this, tv audience?! it's cake on my face! this show is real, not fake! this cake is reality! you wanna know about me? you wanna watch my life and see my real stories? this cake here all over my chin and face, that's me. vanilla frosting.

i realized today that one of my favorite things is to tell drunk girls i think they're pretty. they don't even pay attention most the time. good stuff.

no, i don't want a napkin.

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