Friday, December 29

Thursday, December 28

Tuesday, December 26

Sunday, December 24

Thursday, December 21

Watch for delays.

Monday, December 18

He ran up and down the beach all day.

Friday, December 8

Mr. Happy Puppet Head bursts through the front door and slams it loudly behind him. He is yelling incoherently. He sounds happy and drunk. It's two in the morning and I'm sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Where were you?" I ask.

"Out," he goes into the kitchen and opens the door, checking for food. He finds the big pot of pasta I had made earlier, and I hear him slurp up the cold noodles in the next room. "Where's the beer?" he asks.

"We're out," I tell him. "Why didn't you call? You said you'd be home at nine. I made the pasta you asked for."

"Sure. Sorry." His mouth is full. "But man, tonight was awesome. I was hanging out with The Big Scary Monster and this dude Roboctopus and his friends Potato and Patti. We went over to this big abandoned warehouse and we started setting boxes on fire. Big ol' cardboard boxes."

"I don't like you hanging out with The Big Scary Monster."

"Yeah, so Potato said we shouldn't, and Patti said she'd tell on us, but we said we knew where they lived. Stupid kids. So we set all these boxes on fire and the cops came and so we ran, but Potato fell and I think they got him. He better not tell or I'm gonna beat him up."

There's a brief silence as we look at each other. He wants me to tell him how funny he is.

"Isn't that funny?" he asks.

Thursday, December 7

"What am I doing with my life?" Lem asks the Ocean Wiggle Monster. "I don't think I'm doing anything with my life at all. Just sitting here all the time."

The Wiggle Monster says "Bloooble blooble blooble!"

"I miss it when I was little and things were easy. I would just sit in this boat and not worry about what else I could be doing, but now I just sit here and worry about it. Maybe I should be designing skyscrapers or learning how to cook really well or exercising a lot more than I do."

"Blooble babble blooble!"

"I guess I'll just eat my sandwich." Lem's sandwich is really illegal narcotics, but no one ever taught him the difference.

Friday, December 1