Tuesday, November 28
"Kill You For Fun: The Movie"
Benny says, "Hey, don't."
The Three Shaddowy Figures with Knives disagree. They cut him into pieces and enjoy themselves througoughly.
Virginia Derryberry reaches for the doorknob. Slowly.
Still reaching. What's on the other side? she thinks.
Virginia opens the door, slowly, and there is nothing on the other side except for a book. She walks towards the book, SCARY MUSIC, slowly, step, step, step. She picks up the book opens it to somewhere in the middle and begins to read.
"...chop you into pieces and feed you to your grandmother. With delicious You-Gravy made from your innards." REALLY SCARY MUSIC.
She drops the book and runs away. We zoom in close to see the cover of the book. it reads "Kill You for Fun by Virginia Derryberry"
Body parts are removed. A puppy is put in a blender. Horror is strewn about haphazardly.
"You're the Killer, Virginia!" yells her boyfriend and confidante, King Thackston. They both stand on the edge of a spectacular cliff. There is a semi-truck on fire not too far away and a huge pile of mutilated bodies stacked high, also on fire.
"But the Killer is three Shaddowy Figures. You saw them yourselves."
"Look." King holds up a mirror for Virginia. She screams.
She IS three Shaddowy Figures.
SCARY MUSIC. Virginia Screams.
Monday, November 20
Howie the little girl is playing in the front yard with her pet Old Man Head.
"Where have you been, Head?" asks Howie. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
Head doesn't answer.
"Is that smoke over there?" Thick smoke billows up from the woods behind their neighborhood. "Do you know anything about that?"
Head rolls over onto his back.
"Don't ignore me. The last time you got me in a lot of trouble. If you keep setting large fires, I'm gonna have to not let you play outside by yourself anymore."
Head stares at the sky.
"Fine. It's time for Gorilla Party Shake-Down anyways." She hoists her best friend in the whole world under her arm and totes him inside for the best game in the entire world.
(instructions: 1)invite imaginary Gorillas to bedroom party 2)yell at them until they tell you where they hid the bodies and the treasure 3)locate treasure and boides, return them to the proper authorities)
Wednesday, November 15
At Captain Picklewhiskers School for Goons, Creeps, Lowlifes, Monsters, Mutants, Villains, Criminals, Crooks, and the All-Around Bad, Jennifer tells Sarah and Manny a secret.
"Jeremy's going to clean all the bathrooms tonight," she says. "Him and some guys. Don't tell anyone I told you."
"That's nice of him," says Sarah. "The bathrooms are disgusting here."
"Yeah! They're the worst!" Jennifer wiggles her tentacles in excitement. "But don't tell. Jeremy's my friend and I don't want him to get in trouble." She squiggles away.
"I don't understand..." says Manny, adjusting his already straight tie.
"Me niether. This place is crazy. Let's go home."
They try to leave, but they can't figure out how to get over the pit of Razor Spikes blocking their way.
Monday, November 6
“We’re going to renovate the kitchen!” Yells the roach. Her eyes dart around the room, imagining the potentials and possibilities. “It’s going to be so much more than perfect!” She skitters around in a happy circle.
“I like how it is now,” says Mallory, the slug. “I know where everything is.”
“I think the refrigerator should go over in that corner,” says Lemmy, the human boy.
So they all push the large appliance to the specified corner.
“No… that isn’t it at all.” Says roach. “No no no no no no no no.”
“I’m far too delusional to understand what’s going on,” says the Cute with a smile. “I’m completely useless.”
“Let’s put it on top of the stove, then there’ll be more space,” says Roach.
“Room for what? I’m not sure about how much I like open space.”
“I like the on-top-of-the-stove idea,” says Lemmy. “I like that idea lot.”
“My dementia is far too exaggerated for me to be expected to help in any way at all,” explains the Cute. “I simply can’t get over my phobias, inconsistencies, hallucinations, nightmares, or eating disorders.”
“A complicated system of pullies and levers,” explains Roach. “Easy.”
Roach goes into a humorous and super-catchy song and dance number about rigging up all the pullies and levers. You clap along with a big smile on your face, charmed out your pants.
“Wait,” Lemmy points at the refigerator which is now sitting upside-down on top of the stove. “How did that happen? You didn’t actually do anything ‘cept sing.”
“The power of song, I guess.” Roach skitters in a little circle. “I have powerful songs.”
“I don’t like musical numbers,” explains Mallory. “When I get excited, my slime glands act up and I kind of like, squirt a little. Hold on… one’s coming… hold on…”
Everyone waits for a slime squirt, but nothing happens.
“So I, for one, really enjoy an upside-down refrigerator.” Roach climbs up the surface of the appliance and back down, then back up again.
Mallory squirts a small glob of slime into the air. “See? Did you see? That’s what exciting, hand-clapping musical numbers do to me. How am I supposed to feel attractive when I’m sliming all over the place?”
“I want pizza,” says Lemmy. “Let’s make a pizza.”
“No thanks,” Mallory squirts again. “I don’t eat those.”
“I’ll eat thirteen,” says the Cute as she hides behind the stove. “I’ll eat thirteen.”
Lemmy and the Roach make a pizza, but it is upside-down and no matter how many times they flip it over, it remains inverted.
And their juice spills all over the table with no way to stop it from doing so.