today i'm going to push the boundaries of public access television. do things that have never been done, going places where the Parents of America pray no one will ever go. places politicians rally against and faries die when these places are even mentioned. oh, god, tonight i will show them all how wonderful i am.
so check it out. no nudity, that'd be the easy way out. dangerous animals or fire? no. been done.
the boundary-pushing episode will feature a young girl, about 7 or 8 years old, wearing a t-shirt that says "You Are Thinking Wrong." She will slowly, over the course of ten minutes or so, drip the syrup onto the head of a dog who is giving birth to puppies, all the while a squirel will be frantically licking the syrup off the dog's head.
and i will be sitting the background asking the girl question about her parents. but not her real parents, her made-up chicken parents, Mr. and Mrs. Chickenparents. And her answers will be spoken backwards.
you'll have to tape this one so you can find out her answers.
oh, and if you play it backwards, you'll see me be decapitated by a semi-truck driven by a clown juggling skulls. played front-ways it just looks like i cough.