Sunday, December 14

at the end of the show i have some quiet time where i tell the kids some important things. i sit in an easy chair by the fire and smoke on a pipe. i take off my large black rubber boots and replace them with large black rubber house slippers. i look very fatherly and wise.

i tell the kids, drink something you don't like to drink tonight. like urine. drinking urine builds character. your own is good to start with, but don't limit yourself. there are over six billion other people in the world who are making liquid waste that'd build the hell out of your character.

i tell them that i was the one who said 'but, it's a FREE giant wooden horse. how can you say no to a FREE giant wooden horse? who cares who it's from?' i urge them to be the one who acts against logic and good sense. in the end, aren't we all glad that Troy lost the war?

i pause thougtfully for a moment.

so goodnight, children. and don't forget that you might die tonight. or your mom, or your dog, or your sister or your best friend. there is no mercy. but there is love. and i love you.

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