after the show.
i sit in my dressing room with my tie undone, slumping back in my makeup chair as i study myself in the mirror. i look tired. i can't believe i went out looking like that, and on the first night. i'm going to fire that makeup guy. i hate fat people anyways.
so now i'm going to get drunk. with martinis. that's what i drink now that i'm on tv. showbusiness. that's what people who are on tv drink. martinis, right?
that big monster thing with the tentacles and the claws appears in the corner. i always try to ignore that thing. i shouldn't even peek at it out of the corner of my eye now that i'm on tv. people might start to talk. they might start to talk about not wanting to watch me on tv anymore. and martini's aren't free, you know. so i better not look at the monster with the tentacles and the claws.
he's waving at me. i accidentally saw him in the mirror. he's smiling with that big mouth. no teeth in there. looks like more tentacles and claws, only tiny. he looks so friendly. and he is. but i get mad at the things he says and then i break things. he says he's only trying to help, but still.
i think most people don't see that monster with the tentacles and claws. i wouldn't want to not see him, but still.
i throw my martini at the mirror and it breaks into glass pieces all over the place. the monster's smile falls, until it has an idea. an idea to dance for me. the happy dance that makes me smile sometimes. i think, no way, i won't smile tonight. but he wiggles and flips anyways, dancing and spinning his happy dance.
and i smile.