Saturday, November 20

"When I look in your face, I see death," he tells you. "And when I hold you at night, I can't help but imagine holding a lifeless corpse."

"What?" you ask, even though you have heard this exact thing from every boyfriend you've ever had. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"No." But you both know it's over. They confess, then the passion is gone. He will imagine slipping his tongue between your decomposing lips, and you'll know. You'll see it in his eyes.

Quit crying. Break it off quickly and go out with Jake the Embalmer. He has a thing for you, and his hands are real soft.

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