Monday, November 22

He had no eyes and the most ordinary things would set him into extended fits of panic. If he knew there was a stop sign or a lamp, he would yell and wave his arms for hours.

She fell in love with him instantly.

They met in an ice cream store. He was curled up in the corner because they were fully stocked in mint chocolate chip ice cream.

"What's wrong?' she asked.

"Mint chocolate chip ice cream..." he wispered, choking on his sobs, tears filling his gaping eye sockets.

"What's wrong with mint chocolate chip?" she asked. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to." But he just cried harder, curled up tighter, and she just couldn't stand it.

"How much for all your mint chocolate chip ice cream?" she asked the teenage girl behind the cash register. She whipped out her credit card. The ice cream went into the sewer and their romance skyrocketted into oblivion. They held hands everywhere, and she destroyed indiscriminately everything that bothered her crazy blind boyfriend.

It was summer and he began screaming like he'd been bit. He pointed feverishly at the clicking of a passing bicycle. Without a second thought she located and threw a large rock at the bike, sending the elderly woman flying over the handlebars and headfirst into the trunk of a large tree.

Permanently crippling an elderly woman and smashing her antique bicycle into pieces is all sorts of a criminal offense.

"Here's a notebook and a pen," she said to him as they led her to her prison cell. "Write down everything that you need borken into pieces, and I will do it as soon as I get out of here."

The list was epic. He had to buy a new notebook every week. Then he had to move to a different apartment to store them all.

They were old by the time they were able to start checking items off the list. "Let's do this," she said, taking his wrinkled hand in hers. It took a frenzied nine years and three months to go through all the notebooks. They tore up newspapers and crushed mailboxes and set fire to swingsets. They chainsawed dumptrucks and melted linoleum and obliterated coat racks. They decimated villages and obliterated the middle class and slashed all the prices.

"I'm tired," he said when they were done.

"But it was worth it," she replied. He agreed, and they curled up together on the pile of broken pieces that was left of the world. It was a lot more comfortable than you would think.

No comments: