Friday, November 26

After she recites her list of vows, and everyone looks at you to recite yours, instead of talking about all sorts of promises to stay with her forever, show them you mean it.

From your tux jacket pocket, pull out a needle and thread. Calmly sew your left thigh to her right.

The priest will have more to say, and you still have some French kissing in front of an audience to do, so don't just hobble away as soon as you're done.

Marriage is the most important thing that will ever happen in your life, so prepare for it. Start practicing your needlework, and try to build up your pain tolerance as high as you can. You don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing up there.

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