Tuesday, April 13

Performance Art Piece

As all the expectant young audience members watch, I stick my thumb into my mouth and blow real hard. My head starts expanding first, then my neck, chest, stomach, etc. Soon I'm real big, but I don't stop blowing. I get like a giant and start smashing things. Not angry, but gentle smashing. Smash Smash Smash. Just enough to step out of the studio.

I go over to the local high school and juggle some sexy teenagers, as well as some not-so-sexy ones. They laugh and laugh. Everyone laughs. Except me, who's concentrating on not dropping the teens to their dooms. I drop one of them, but i'm juggling five of them, so it's still impressive. I'd like to see you try that.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head bobbles up and yells up to me to stop. That they are calling the National Guard. He says they do that whenever anything real big like me treats people like juggling objects. I palm one of the teachers--he looks like a science guy--and tell him to guess which hand he's in. He picks my right hand, correctly. I tell him he wins the science teacher and gets to keep him forever. Yay! Everyone cheers.

I do the same trick with some of the other teachers. Some kids lose and don't win any teachers, but some of the kids are real good at the game and win several. They walk home with big smiles on their faces, their newly won teachers in tow.

When it's time to deflate, I pull on my ears and scriech like a monkey. That's when the National Guard gets there. they're all confused with the carnage and giant footprints, but all they find is me naked standing in a pile of really stretched out Midnight Mailman costume. They tell me to put some clothes on and I run away. They shoot at me with one of their tanks, but they miss by, like, a mile.

We cut away to an Educati-fun video teaching kids why they shouldn't play with cute bunnies and razor blades while running. It's one of our favorite videos.

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