Friday, April 9

I'm standing in a big grassy field. Mr. Happy Puppet Head floats next to me as we talk to three nearly identical men in business suits.

"I get a castle?" My cape billows dramatically. Billow.

"Yes, on a big mountain overlooking the town," says one of the be-suited men.

"Why?"

"So you live there and kidnap people and turn them into monsters."

"What?"

"So you live there and kidnap people and turn them into monsters."

"Oh." With cape still bilowing, I signal Mr. Happy Puppet Head to have a private meeting a few feet away from the suits.

"So what do you think, cap'n?" His big plastic eyes glisten with anticipation.

"I don't know." They're staring at me. It's creepy. They're creepy. I always wanted a castle.

"What's not to know? We get a castle, we get to kidnap people and turn them into monsters. Come on."

"Why do we have to kidnap anyone?"

"It's part of the deal. Now don't mess this up. It took me a long time to set this up, okay?"

"But..." The big red mustached puppet has already bobbled back to talk to the men.

Maybe I should ask for a ball pit installed in the castle, like they have at fast food restaurants. That'd be awesome. And maybe a trampoline room.


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