"Disability in the Living Room"
A Play in one act.
Lights fade in. We see a living room set, old and musty. An OLD WOMAN, played by Mr. Happy Puppet Head sits in a wheelchair staring at a broken television with a large crack down the center of the glass.
A YOUNG MAN, played by The Midnight Mailman, enters.
YOUNG MAN: Hey grandma, how're you doing?
OLD WOMAN: I'm crippled and the tv is broken.
YOUNG MAN: Grandma, you know I work real hard just to feed us. I can't afford to buy you a new tv all the time or your non-cripple medicine.
OLD WOMAN: You're a failure and I hate you.
YOUNG MAN: Oh, granny, don't say that. I love you. Even if you are so mean and crippled. I guess.
OLD WOMAN: Make me a sandwich. And don't look at me.
YOUNG MAN: I met a girl today, grandma. She's real nice. Not crippled and mean like you.
OLD WOMAN: Where's my sandwich?
YOUNG MAN: She's perfect in every way. Beautiful and smart, and most importantly, neither crippled nor mean.
OLD WOMAN: Sandwich.
YOUNG MAN: You know what, grandma? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of your bossing me around. I'm gonna move out of here, you know. Maybe I'm gonna go marry this girl and maybe I'm gonna make something of myself. You can't keep me here forever.
OLD WOMAN: This life... this life with you here... is like... A Handicap Ramp to Nowhere! A Handicap Ramp to Nowhere! A Handicap Ramp to Nowhere!
The Old Woman passes out with her excitment. The DOORBELL RINGS. Young Man answers it. A PRETTY WOMAN in a slinky red dress stands outside the door.
YOUNG MAN: My love!
PRETTY WOMAN: I love you.
They kiss passionately. The Young Man points to his unconsious OLD WOMAN on the floor. The PRETTY WOMAN unhinges her jaw and begins to swallow the OLD WOMAN like a snake.
YOUNG MAN: Goodbye, grandma. I loved you because you were family.
Lights fade out. THE END.