Sunday, April 11

Easter is the one day of the year when we celebrate the zombification of a religious figure, everything turns shades of pastel, anthropomorphized animals deliver us chocolate eggs, and everyone seems to understand why.

This year, maybe you should try something new. I bet your lord and savior Big J would show up at your party if you did something different. Who wants to go to the same party year after year for over two thousand years? You should have an Easter underwear party with your family and burn effigies of each other. Crank the heavy metal all the way up and throw bricks at trees. Make it a game. Whoever can throw the fastest brick along with the loudest ripping guitar riffs wins the game.

I think people forget that messiahs like innovation and free-spirited ridiculousness. Especially when it comes to celebrating their ressurection. If and when I ever come back to life after an especially excrutiating death, I want the biggest, most awesome party ever waiting for me. I'm sure Jesus would want the same.

So fucking rock it hard, kids. Rock it hard.

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