Wednesday, August 11

A week ago I followed a cute little rabbit into the mountains. She beckoned me with her wit and charm. We went on a magical journey through mountain plains and fields of wheat, thrashing through life with the type of dreamlike abandonment best viewed with some sort of crazy rock ballad jamming in the background.

So it was a good time. A great time I can't stop thinking about. And now I'm back.

All the house plants are gone. Mr. Happy Puppet Head promised to water them and now they're gone.

I find him trapped in the refridgerator.


"What?" he's lying with his back to me, cuddled next to a half-full milk carton.

"How long have you been in here?"

"I don't know. Long time." He still doesn't turn to look at me. "Why?"

"What happened to all the plants?" I had a lot of plants, too. And I've had them for a long time.

"Hey, don't go in the basement, okay? Bunch of nymphs or trolls or something got down there. I don't know." He mumbles something under his mustache, but I can't hear what it is.

"What?" But he's done talking now. I head down into the basement.

Fairies. Lots and lots of tiny people with wings and magic dust all floating around. Standing in the middle of the damp concrete basement, I am surrounded by a swirling mass of ethereral beauty, beauty of a higher caliber than I had ever before imagined possible. Everywhere is sparkling and shiny, flittering wings and delicate motions of hands and smiles. My heart beats faster as I watch them play. I reach up to scratch the back of my neck.

I feel something funny on my fingers as I itch. I find my fingers smeared in metallic green fairy blood, with tiny parts of a fairy hanging from under my fingernails.

A painful moan comes from the cloud of mystical creatures surrounding me. "I'm sorry!" I plead. "Sorry, I didn't mean, to, my neck just itched." I take a step forwards and I step on two more, green blood squirting out from under my boots. More moaning and wailing. I brush off my forehead, crushing the three fairies perched there. I try to apologize some more, but a sweep of my hand knocks several more to the floor and the moaning and the fairies crying has risen to such a pitch I can't hear anything else and my eardrums are buzzing so I run towards the stairs, trying not to count how many more fairies I kill during my escape.

I slam the basement door shut behind me. My chest heaves up and down, my heart beats against my chest. Wow. Damn. Wow.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head walks by. "Jesus, look at that," he says. I look down and find myself covered in shiny green blood and mutilated fairy bits. "I've been calling that exterminator guy for days, but they won't come without a credit card and I can't find yours. You're always hiding shit." He walks away and I hear the TV come on in the other room.

"Hey!" I yell after him. "What the hell did you do with my plants?"

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