Friday, August 20

He's naked and looking at me and I don't know what to do when a man who is so naked and hairy he doesn't care what's going on in a public bathroom and I have to go so bad but I don't know what to do when he looks at me like that.

"Don't worry," he says.

"What?" I ask. "Oh, I'm okay." And I go stand up against a urinal and turn my back to him. But I can't go, I know he's still looking at me, so I can't. I hope he doesn't notice. My entire stomach burns with urine, but it doesn't seem to want to go anywhere.

"You know," he says. "You just gotta worry about who you're staffing, if you know what I mean. Staffing, you know. Just find some hot chick that doesn't mind doing it the ways you like it, and you're set, you know?" But I don't care I'm in so much pain. "It's like my old lady, or my old old lady that is, she was something. Shit, you should'a seen her. But... you know how things go. She wanted to kill me, but she left instead. Better that way, sometimes, I guess."

But I don't care. None. It's been about a minute and if I'd been pissing I'd be done by now so I flush and zip up and wash my hands.

He says something else, but I don't pay attention. I mumble a goodbye and shuffle quickly out the door.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head asks, "Hey, can you buy me this?" He wants a few bottles of some sports drink. I buy it for him since I can't think about anything through the pain. And now I'll have to hold it until we get home, which won't be for at least twenty minutes. Thanks, naked bathroom guy. Thanks a lot.

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