Monday, August 16

Today's Lesson: Be prepared!

Children, today we are going to talk about being prepared in life. There is no reason in the world that you shouldn't have all of your basic needs not only met, but exceeded by a disgusting ammount. We are the American Middle Class. There is no excuse not to have several comfortable places to sit, the power to control the temperature in small enclosed environments where you can put your chairs and couches, and to buy enough juice for very long periods of time.

My rabbit friend that I love and I figured it all out. Once you turn 18, sign up for a credit card. If you are responsible and patient, they will eventually raise your credit limit. Once it reaches $5000, go out and buy yourself some juice. 34 years and 91 days worth of juice. And not the cheap Storebrand kind, either. No, the good $4 kind.

There is no reason you need to be going out to the store every 10 days to buy a new gallon of juice. So once you are old enough, responisble, and patient, go down to the local supermarket and pick yourself up 1250 gallons of the stuff on that credit card.
It's as easy as signing the reciept.

So, in conclusion, make sure you never squander this most precious gift of bourgeoisie-dom. Soccer moms and business suit dads, Powerade and artificial sweetners, strip malls and the really big malls... This is life, children, this is life.


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