Tuesday, May 18

Now we're going to rip off Double Dare because I always loved that show. My love for Double Dare outshines my dislike for pop-culture references.

So we have some contestants, some kids from the audience. Boy, are they excited to be here winning fabulous prizes and getting messy. That one girl's wiggling so happy looks like she might have a heart attack. Winning prizes like this patio furniture, and a chance to win a trip to a live taping of this show. And an autograph... some really good sodas... ane the big prize to be revealed later.

So we're near the end of the show, last question, and the two teams are tied. They're messy and excited. Who will get to go through the obstacle course? Who? Red Team or Blue Team?

The final question: What is the ultimate form of flattery? It's Red Team's turn to answer, but if they don't get it right, Blue Team will have a chance. Okay, go.

No, I'm sorry. Immitation is the penultimate form of flattery. Blue Team?

Yes! Copulation is correct! You get to go on the obstacle course now. Yay! Mr. Happy Puppet Head, please escort the Red Team out to the parking lot. This way to the fun, Blue Team.

Okay, first obstacle is this big bucket full of red-looking mud. There's a flag in there somewhere and you have to find it. When you find it, hand it off to your teamate, and only then can you move on to the next course. Then there's this big head where you crawl in the eyball and there's some brain mud and a flag somewhere in there. Over here is another bucket of mud, only green this time. Here's the big pizza where there's a flag in the mud sauce... another bucket of mud, and the big tower over there where you have to zip accross that zipline to the other side and fall in that kiddie pool of mud and find that flag.

And what do they win if they win, Mr. Happy Puppet Head?

That's right! We'll come crash in your living room for a week and clean your room and mow your lawn and stuff. We'll have lots of fun. But only if you find all the flags in two minutes.

Okay, GO!

There they go, getting muddy. They find the first flag, they find the second, then the third.

Everyone's going crazy. It's really close. They're getting all muddy and finding flags. The intense music is playing. Really intense music. And everyone is screaming. Intense.

And they won. With like a minute left. Oh. That's okay, I guess. Mr. Happy Puppet Head just started working on another Magic Bucket and it hurts my nose to be inside our house. But he has to mow the kid's lawn. I hate doing that. And I call dibs on couch.

No comments: