Tuesday, March 2

I'm digging a hole in the backyard at night. Except for my goggles and rubber boots, I'm completely naked.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head bobbles up.

Oh, hey Mr. Happy Puppet Head. It's a beautiful night, just thought I'd get some digging done. Yeah... oh? wow....

Mr. Happy Puppet Head dances around, his mouth opening and closing as he silently tells me his story.

Well, there's not much I can do for you, huh? You probably shouldn't have stolen that car... yeah, or the dogs, vases, televisions, or that teenager. No, that's never a good idea. No. No this hole isn't for hiding things, it's for the joy of digging naked at night. It's one of the simpler things in life. Theft and kidnapping aren't all there is, you know. For some it's very little of all there is.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head takes a look at the hole I've been digging. He nods, clearly impressed.

I tell him that No, it may not get you sex, or any sort of "high," but digging holes naked in the backyard at night can be more satisfying than any of those things. You laugh now, but wait until you're in prison. And yes, I will alert the authorities of your whereabouts and tell them everything you told me. Becasue I'm your friend, that's why. Now there's no need to yell.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head bobbles away.

Now kids, learn from Mr. Happy Puppet Head's mistakes. For all his smiling and bobbling around you'd think he's happy. But he's a drug addict, soon to be a convicted felon looking at some serious jail time, and his two kids can't stand the sight of him. The younger one vommits uncontrollably at the mention of his name.

So dig.

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