Wednesday, March 17

For today's show we'll be cooking. I'll show you how to prepare basic meals when your parents have left you unsupervised because they don't love you enough.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head is going to bring out the ingredients and then we can get started. First we'll learn how to make a basic omlet and bacon milkshake for breakfast, a steak milkshake for lunch and dinner, and then we'll learn about all the magic cocktails you can make with the ingredients in your parent's liquer cabinet. So basically, the blender is our best friend in the kitchen.

Hey... all the lights just turned off. Kids? Mr. Happy Puppet Head?

Hello?

It's so silent. Everyone was just here... what's going on? So dark... I can't find my way. I hear breathing, heavy breathing close by. Hello? Hello! Who's there? Mr. Happy Puppet Head? Is that you?

Oh my God! Who's there? I can hear someone trying to say something. Whoever is breathing all deep is trying to talk, all gutteral and loud... like it's coming from inside my head. I can't run from it. I try but it's so dark and i run into things and the doors are locked who locked the doors? I have the keys but I can't find them and i pound on the door but no one is around the studio is empty and dark and all I can hear is the breathing in my head, i turn around to see who's making the breathing but there's no one and if there is someone it's too dark to see. Holy shit.

The voice is repeating something over and over, but i can't figure it out. Fall forword for mean dude? I don't understand.

All is farwost for mean dude and something about hams? No? Lambs? Where are you? Could we turn on the lights? This is really creeping me out.

All is lost... okay.... Oh! All is lost for we are all dead... and... like lambs on a post. Is that it? Yes? Oh, okay.

Does that even mean anything?

No, I understand what you said, you don't have to repeat it so much. I'm just saying I don't really get the signifigance or context. Maybe if you could just... no... I heard you the first time, you don't have to yell...

And now my studio is on fire and Mr. Happy Puppet Head and all the children are hanging by their necks by barbed wire over a pit of their own blood and entrails. And yes, I freak out a little, screaming and clawing at the locked door. Of course.

The lights flicker back off quickly. The voice repeats the whole we are all dead and lambs stuff. I just don't get it, sorry. Just a little more information and I think we could be on the same page.

Red light, I look down at my hands and they're all rotted like a corpse and there are flies and as I turn them over to examine them, horrified, the fingers drop off, followed by my hands. The red light flicks off as soon as I scream like a little girl.

But I still have my hands. Not rotted or anything, just normal. That's comforting. Okay, maybe I can figure this out. We are all dead... all is lost for we are all dead... and like lambs on a post. Lambs on a post.

Lambs on a post? Oh, hey Carl. Thanks for turning the lights back on. No, I know where the switch is, there was just some sort of ghost thing going on. Real weird. Yeah... hey, have you seen Mr. Happy Puppet Head? Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Really? Uh huh.

So... I've been missing for ten years? And Mr. Happy Puppet Head is president of the world? And everyone has psychic powers? And dinosaurs? And robots from Mars? And flying cars that come standard with dvd players that record our dreams? Anything about lambs on posts? No? Weird.




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