there are no kids in the audience today. there are always kids in the audience.
so as i speak this monologue to start off the show, there is no one to respond to the blinking Applause sign. no one to laugh at the jokes.
where are you, kids? don't you want to see Mr. Happy Puppet Head dance? Look at him go, don't you feel sad that you're missing this?
Here's a joke, maybe you'll like it and come back to the show. Here goes: How do you get a nun pregnant?
You fuck her. Or at least get some sperms near her ovaries. That should do the trick.
Yeah... it's strange when you tell a joke to an empty audience. No one laughs or anything.