my new performance art piece:
i'm wearing a white body suit, skin tight, kind of glittery. i stand on one foot and focus all my attentention on a small red apple that sits on a pedestal not too far away. i begin to lift my extra foot into the air as i humm a sad tune.
suddenly the sad tune snaps into a regular sort of tune one would hum during the day and the apple starts to shake. shake like a margarita. i will the apple to continue it's shaking and progress on its journey into becoming a very large replica of the Starship Enterprise, which it does. and it tastes like a great apple, all ripe and juicy.
come on kids, up on stage! take a bite out of fruity-tasting memerobilia!
and when the performance is done and all the kids are bloated to the point of unconsiousness with trekkie apple. i snap my fingers three times and disappear in a puff of smoke.
we cut to the segment in which i teach the elderly to shave their armpits using a cheese grater.