Sunday, September 12

I am saving up my money for the most life-like dummies out there.

pictures of the dummies

I need at least five of these suckers, one to sit shotgun with me in my minivan, one to act like it's mowing my lawn, one to stand next to the mailbox to greet the Daytime Mailman, one to hide in the closet with a machete and creep me out at night, and another to sit in the bathtub holding a half-empty bottle of whiskey, mascara dripping down her face and a box of Kleenex by her side.

You might ask, why so many? You've probably heard this before, but the logic is that if you have only one dummy, chances are it'll probably come alive and try to kill you. But if you have several, you have a chance that one or more of them will come alive and try to save you.

One day...

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