Thursday, March 24

Part TWO of the Fairy Infestation story.

With the basement door nailed shut, there's no way I'll have to see those Faries again. I can't do my laundry or look at my high school yearbooks ever again, but at least I won't have any more accidental mass murder on my hands.

"Wait," I ask Mr. Happy Puppet Head. "Who's Barbara?"

He doesn't answer, just continues staring at the melodrama unfolding on the television set before us.

"Wait, who's that? Is that her kid or her boyfriend?"

He turns up the volume to drown out my questions. I hate soap operas when I don't know what's going on, but I'm determined to get this one. It's Mr. Happy Puppet Head's new favorite and we've needed something to bond over for a while now. He's also been surly ever since I blamed him for the Infestation. But it is his fault.

I try to watch the show but it's so boring not knowing who anyone is or why they're crying or anything. My mind wanders and I look out the window. Next to the window is an air vent, which falls to the floor. From out of the hole in the wall flitter two cautious Faries. I watch them, not wanting to move a muscle.

"Mr. Happy Puppet Head..." But he can't hear me over some attractive couple arguing about something. The two Faries slowly make their way towards us on the couch, whispering to themselves and pointing in our direction.

They flitter right up close to us and stop only a few feet in front of my face. "Go away," I tell them. I'm too scared to say or do anything else. Mr. Happy Puppet Head notices them with his half-lidded gaze, and returns his attention to the show.

The Faries whisper to themselves. They nod in aggreement and wave their wands aggressively at my face. My goggles and bowtie both turn into purple Gum Drops.

As slowly as I possibly can, and without turning my head, I reach out to the end table next to the couch. The Faries scream and hide behind the TV. From the drawer I pull out an extra pair of goggles and a bowtie and ever so slowly put them on. Tiny faces watch me from behind an old man seducing a young woman in a nurse uniform.

The three of us stare at each other for a long time. The soap opera ends and Mr. Happy Puppet Head turns off the TV. He leaves the room and turns the lights off behind him.

I can see their little glowing eyes blink at me in the dark. "What do you want?" I ask, my voice a hushed whisper.

They scream again, wave their wands crazily at me, and fly back into the vent in the wall.

When I'm absoluetly sure they're gone, I reach for the lamp to turn on the light. I find that it's been turned into a gum drop, the color of which can't be determined since there's no light.

And the only replacement lamp is in the basement.

So I decide to fall asleep right where I'm sitting. It seems lately any action I take either estranges friends, kills innocent creatures, or strikes fear into the hearts of those lucky enough to survive. So forget lamps.

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