It's been almost two weeks and still no sun. It's dark all the time and keeps getting colder and colder. But suprisingly everything has been pretty normal. People still go to work in the mornings, food is still aplenty in the local groceries, and I keep checking the mailbox in front of my house for exciting packages I have no reason to expect.
Everything's the same except for the constant darkness and coldness. And there are giants walking around everywhere eating trees and people and smashing things.
So here we are filming a brand new Educati-FUN video entitled "Being Safe in the Everlasting Darkness is Good"
So me and Mr. Happy Puppet Head have decided that there are several ways to keep yourself safe in this wasteland of freezing night, and still have fun.
First thing is to ARM YOURSELF HEAVILY. It's dark, so that means all the scary things have come out. The giants are just the most obvious ones. Grab a stick or a baseball bat with a nail in it or some sort of gun that shoots things dead. If you are alone, lash violently out at any sort of movement you see. Maybe give a little scream, too. If you are with a friend or companion, your first instinct might be to ask "should I make that thing dead?" before killing. Don't. Just make it dead.
Secondly, KEEP WARM. Beach parties are out. No more skinny-dipping in the lake, you sexy teenagers. Driving with the top down? no. Setting fires to keep warm? yes. Burn anything you can get your hands on, starting with the photo albums. Your family is dead and you should move on. If they aren't dead, you might as well get a head start on that mourning.
Mr. Happy Puppet Head would now like to say something special to you.
Go ahead Mr. Happy Puppet Head.
"I just think..." he blinks slowly, taking his time. "I just think that maybe eternal night isn't so bad. I stole this portable cassete tape player yesterday during one of those night-riots, and no one even got me in trouble. Now I can listen to my favorite jams all the time."
He clicks on the tape player and smoothe jazz blares from the headphones wrapped around his furry red head. His eyelids droop as he stares off into space.
And then the earth shakes and the video camera falls over. We look up to see an enormous foot descending from the sky.
With lightning quick reflexes I leap out of the way. I grab for Mr. Happy Puppet Head, but he jerks backwards away from me.
The giant's foot comes down with a crash on top of my friend. I fall onto my back, and from the ground I can see the giant as he exits the scene, each step taking him several hundred yards away.
I lie on the ground, too scared to see what I hope didn't happen.
Mr. Happy Puppet Head?
Mr. Happy Puppet Head?
He still doesn't answer. I don't think I can stand back up if he doesn't answer.
I hear him groan. I sit up and see him lying on the ground. He rolls over and looks at me with glazed eyes for a moment before realizing his tape player has been smashed.
"God dammit!" he yells. He floats up to his normal height and throws his dangling headphones to the ground.
Watch out for giants, kids. They'll smash you and your things and your best friends like it's nothing. And you can't do anything about it.
Except maybe setting Giant Traps. Let me know if any of you know how to do that.