An Educati-FUN Video!
On Airplane Flying
Me and Mr. Happy Puppet Head are at the Airport to teach the kids about flying in Airplanes.
"Airplanes are real scary," I tell the kids hanging out with us at the Airport, ready to learn about flying in Airplanes. "But you can ignore how scary they are. Distract yourself with activities. Like:
THE TOILET FLUSHING GAME.
You are usually allowed at least one carry-on bag. Fill one with things you'd like to flush down those funny airplane toilets. Like newspapers, promotional t-shirts, or those little bags of peanuts. Make it a game. See how much you can flush before it won't flush anymore."
"I have a game, too," says Mr. Happy Puppet Head. "It's called:
MAKE OUT WITH TEENAGERS/OLDER FLIGHT ATTENDANTS/ANYONE WHO WILL
It's really great. Eventually you'll find someone to make out with you in the bathroom."
"The Law of Averages," I say.
"Sure," he replies.
"You could play both at the same time, make that a game," I tell the kids. "Doing more than one thing at a time is good for you."
One little girl raises her hand. An Airplane passes close overhead just as she asks her question so I can't hear anything else. I pretend to have heard her question.
"No,you probably aren't the one person in the world immune to dying from
Airplane Crash," I tell her. "But physics rarely stops working for no reason. So you probably won't die from visiting your Grandma in Tulsa."
"Tulsa is in Oklahoma," says another little boy.
"Give that kid some candy," I tell Mr. Happy Pupppet Head.
He takes out a Ball Point Pen and throws it at the kid. It goes way over his head and the kid has to turn around and run to get it. He realizes it isn't candy after he takes the top off of it.
"Anymore questions?" I ask.
"I asked if you'd take me home now," says the little girl who asked the question earlier. "I hate it here."
"I enjoy the Airport," I tell her.
"Oh, and check the payphones for quarters," says Mr. Happy Puppet Head. "Hey! Let's go do that now."
So everyone--except that one little girl who is no fun at all--runs through the entire airport searching for lost quarters in payphones. We find about five dollars worth, which Mr. Happy Puppet Head buys himself a beer with. He offers to give us all a sip, but then drinks it all in one big gulp.