it begins.

So Mr. Happy Puppet Head took me all the way to this big tall skyscraper out in the middle of nowhere. Five hour bus ride. There were all these fields and cows and stuff in the country, then this big office building skyscraper jutting up completely out of place. Black and shiny, maybe twenty stories high. Far too high to be out in the middle of the country.

Looks like a growth or a disease.

And now the doors won't open. The skyscraper is abandoned, Mr. Happy Puppet Head. Now we're going to have to wait for that stupid bus, and it'll be hours. Thanks.

Right. Then why aren't they opening the doors if they knew we were coming?

Yes. Maybe they are out to lunch.

Oh, there they are, behind us. Hello.

Three business men, young guys, all in the exact same suit carrying the exact same expensive briefcase. Their eyebrows are their most differentiating features. The one on the far left has big bushy white ones, the middle guy has real thin black ones, an the guy on the right doesn't have any at all. I don't usually notice people's eyebrows. Something strange is going on when you're noticing people's eyebrows.

They seem real nice, a bit too casual-speaking for guys in suits and briefcases. Stiff backs and shiny shoes. Something's not right. Who are these guys? Why won't they let us in their skyscraper?

Check out the movie trailer. Hopefully the sound works. If it doesn't, I'll fix it soon.

More to come.

I only threw him away for a minute. I panicked. I didn't want Mr. Happy Puppet Head to see me with another disembodied head friend. But I got him back out, cleaned off the garbage juice, and now we're okay.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head has a surprise for me, he's all excited about it, and he doesn't seem to care at all what I'd been up to. How I worried or anything. And he won't tell me where we're going now. It's a five hour bus ride to get there, whatever it is. He says it's what he's been working on for the past week and a half or so. Big time stuff he says. But he won't tell me any details.

So Mr. Happy Severed Head is hosting the show right now. I think he's going to sing some songs and play some games. Or whatever the kids imagine him doing. I wrote a sign for the kids telling them to imagine him doing all sorts of clever things, because severed heads can't do anything without a lot of imagination. I hope they read the sign.

Much like severed heads, long bus rides can be boring without the use of your imagination. I'm going to imagine the woman accross the aisle with her clothes off. And then I'll imagine that she's young and attractive. With hair.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head is back.

He came home and locked himself in his room. He seemed all excited an happy, but didn't want to say anything to me. I tried to be all discreet about throwing Mr. Happy Severed Head away, but he didn't seem to notice or care. Too excited about whatever he's exctied about. And he is excited about something.

He's still locked in his room. I can hear him humming. Humming the theme from "I Dream of Jeannie." my favorite.

Today we're going to talk about PROOFREADING.

Proofreading, among many other things, is one of those ways that They "get" you. As in "the man" or "they."

It's part of a species-wide conspiracy to control the masses through watered-down communication. By following the rules of proper grammer, we are simply falling into
Their trap. Becoming another gear in the great Combine.

Other ways They "get" you:
-Manners
-Making You Wear Clothing
-Hygene

For example, take little Jimmy who is expressing himself by painting his naked body bright pink while screaming the national anthem for Show and Tell. There is no way he could convey those feelings with a properly punctuated sentence.

Proofreading is for suckers. Do your homework with your eyes closed.

Monday night's are always so lonely. Especially when your best friend either skipped town or died and all you've got is a rotting severed head for companionship. And I don't have cable. I never missed it before, but sitting around with a partial corpse really makes you hate the situational comedies networks try to pass off as entertainment. I'd like to go out back and work on that hole I've been digging, but it's kind of cold, and holes are best dug in the nude. And I hate to think of Mr. Happy Severed Head all alone in here. He lives here now, but he still feels like kind of a guest.

Maybe I should get a Mrs. Happy Severed Head. I could have a little wedding, set up a little honeymoon. Take some pictures... have some cake. Maybe invite some people over.

I don't know any people. Maybe I could just get some severed hands and assorted other body parts and dress them up. Like cute little tuxedos and dresses and stuff.

This sounds like a lot of work.

Maybe I should just throw him away. He's starting to get pretty gross, and I don't think the kids like him too much. I couldn't be sure, but I think the audience was smaller today. I was blindfolded most of the show. we played hide and seek, and Mr. Happy Severed Head found a really good hiding place. He was in the corner.

He's also useless as a cameraman.

Maybe i should get ready for tommorow. Maybe I'll do a segment on Proofreading.

Me and Mr. Happy Severed Head are at the park. It's for a segment called, FLY A KITE, DON'T KNOCK UP YOUR 13 YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND. So we're flying a kite. And it's a lot of fun.

I hold an ice cream cone in my left hand, the kite string in my right. I have a very pretty kite soaring in the sky above.

See kids, it isn't about "getting laid," or "fucking her brains out," it's about love. Flying kites is also like love, in that flying a kite doesn't make a girl pregnant and ruin both of your lives irreparibly. Both ways you get some exercise, but only one of those ways all but promises you a life of alcoholism ending in suicide.

Oh, and make sure you hold onto your kite. Not like Mr. Happy Severed Head over there. But he can't help it. Duct tape will only hold a kite string to a decomposing forhead for so long.

So I went with the only suggestion I got, which was to use a re-animated severed head. Funds were lacking, so I couldn't get the actual head from the movie The Re-Animator, but I was able to get a pretty good one from a friend. Strong jutting jaw, good skin, some hair.

Kids, it's always a good idea to have friends that can get you things that are either illegal or cheap. Like having a friend who can sneak you into a movie theater, or get you severed body parts.

So, I hooked the head up to some car batteries. Nothing happened. I then busted up the toaster and hooked it up to the head and plugged it into the wall socket. The head never came alive, but that's alright. He's got sort of a stoic look about him. Noble. Mysterious. Only a little charred from electricity.

I'm not really a science person.

So meet Mr. Happy Severed Head. He's the quiet type.