Watch for delays.

He ran up and down the beach all day.

Mr. Happy Puppet Head bursts through the front door and slams it loudly behind him. He is yelling incoherently. He sounds happy and drunk. It's two in the morning and I'm sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Where were you?" I ask.

"Out," he goes into the kitchen and opens the door, checking for food. He finds the big pot of pasta I had made earlier, and I hear him slurp up the cold noodles in the next room. "Where's the beer?" he asks.

"We're out," I tell him. "Why didn't you call? You said you'd be home at nine. I made the pasta you asked for."

"Sure. Sorry." His mouth is full. "But man, tonight was awesome. I was hanging out with The Big Scary Monster and this dude Roboctopus and his friends Potato and Patti. We went over to this big abandoned warehouse and we started setting boxes on fire. Big ol' cardboard boxes."

"I don't like you hanging out with The Big Scary Monster."

"Yeah, so Potato said we shouldn't, and Patti said she'd tell on us, but we said we knew where they lived. Stupid kids. So we set all these boxes on fire and the cops came and so we ran, but Potato fell and I think they got him. He better not tell or I'm gonna beat him up."

There's a brief silence as we look at each other. He wants me to tell him how funny he is.

"Isn't that funny?" he asks.

"What am I doing with my life?" Lem asks the Ocean Wiggle Monster. "I don't think I'm doing anything with my life at all. Just sitting here all the time."

The Wiggle Monster says "Bloooble blooble blooble!"

"I miss it when I was little and things were easy. I would just sit in this boat and not worry about what else I could be doing, but now I just sit here and worry about it. Maybe I should be designing skyscrapers or learning how to cook really well or exercising a lot more than I do."

"Blooble babble blooble!"

"I guess I'll just eat my sandwich." Lem's sandwich is really illegal narcotics, but no one ever taught him the difference.

"Kill You For Fun: The Movie"

Benny says, "Hey, don't."

The Three Shaddowy Figures with Knives disagree. They cut him into pieces and enjoy themselves througoughly.

SCARY MUSIC.

Virginia Derryberry reaches for the doorknob. Slowly.

Still reaching. What's on the other side? she thinks.

Virginia opens the door, slowly, and there is nothing on the other side except for a book. She walks towards the book, SCARY MUSIC, slowly, step, step, step. She picks up the book opens it to somewhere in the middle and begins to read.

"...chop you into pieces and feed you to your grandmother. With delicious You-Gravy made from your innards." REALLY SCARY MUSIC.

She drops the book and runs away. We zoom in close to see the cover of the book. it reads "Kill You for Fun by Virginia Derryberry"

Body parts are removed. A puppy is put in a blender. Horror is strewn about haphazardly.

"You're the Killer, Virginia!" yells her boyfriend and confidante, King Thackston. They both stand on the edge of a spectacular cliff. There is a semi-truck on fire not too far away and a huge pile of mutilated bodies stacked high, also on fire.

"But the Killer is three Shaddowy Figures. You saw them yourselves."

"Look." King holds up a mirror for Virginia. She screams.

She IS three Shaddowy Figures.

SCARY MUSIC. Virginia Screams.

Roll credits.

The End?