I'm sure glad we have that new enormous rabbit friend because scary things have been happening lately and it's nice to have some semblance of protection.

Today has been the day for finding severed animal parts all over the place, and sometimes creepy messages painted in animal blood on the walls. In my bathroom, there was the severed tail of some furry animal, and in blood on the tile was written "i'm a ghost and i'm haunting you." I can't go in that bathroom anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be able to again. Mr. Happy Puppet Head laughed at me, but I can tell he's scared, too. We thought about calling the police, especially after finding the top half of a cute little bird on the couch, but we're pretty sure it's a ghost, and the police aren't good with ghosts.



I'm in the backyard now. We put all the parts in a pile in the backyard, and it's starting to get pretty big. I don't know what to do with it. Burry it?

Mr. Happy Puppet Head is inside watching tv with enormous rabbit. I go to get my shovel from under the house to start digging a mass grave-hole when I hear Mr. Happy Puppet Head start yelling inside. "Midnight!" he yells. "Get the fuck in here! Midnight!" I run inside brandishing my shovel in case I need to save my friend from something scary.

In the living room Mr. Happy Puppet Head and enormous rabbit are staring at the TV. Our show is on, but it's no show we've ever made. At least not yet.

On the screen are me and Mr. Happy Puppet Head being torn to bloody pieces by some sort of invisible ghost. Our television-selves scream and cry as our organs go everywhere, blood collecting in pools with bits of gore and slices of bone. My cape flutters to the ground and Mr. Happy Puppet Head's dismembered mustache is hurled accross the stage by this unseen antagonist. I think I'm going to throw up.

I turn around, it feels like someone is watching me watch myself be killed on tv. No one is behind me.

Except my house is different now. There aren't any windows and all the furniture is on fire.

"What's going on Mr. Happy Puppet Head?" I ask.

"I don't know..." he says, eyes locked on the continued mutilation of our already unrecognizable corpses on the screen.

"The windows are gone."

"What?" he looks around, noticing the lack of windows and the blazing fire for the first time. "What? Ah shitty!"

Then our enormous rabbit friend, that had up until this point been huddled trembling up next to me as close as she could, now stands on her back legs and speaks in a growly voice "i am a ghost and i am haunting you!" and her eyes get all red and glowing and she starts foaming at the mouth all possessed style.

Well damn.

So we have a new pet enormous rabbit and we haven't yet figured out a name for her. We found out she is a she because she had a whole litter of baby enormous rabbits. Don't ask if you can adopt them, becuase the way enormous rabbits work is that as soon as they birth their children, the mother eats them as if she's never had anything to eat ever. It was really strange to see our new friend go into a crazy feeding frenzy over her newborns, but I guess that's just how nature works. One or two got away, I think I saw some hiding under the couch, but she'll get them eventually. It's a wonder enormous rabbits survive as a species at all.

So we're thinking of naming her several things. Here's a list:

1. Slippy
   
2. Fat
   
3. Pineapple
   
4. Shenanigan
   
5. Sherika
   
6. Fluffs

We are not good at naming pets.

But whoever she will be named as, she's fitting in pretty well. Her and Mr. Happy Puppet Head watch soap operas all afternoon and this morning I caught them both curled up in the corner all snuggled up sleeping. It was the most heartwarmingest thing ever.

End.

Ted and Lucinda are standing in the graveyard at night. Lucinda has just come back from the Spooky Parade where all the dead people and ghosts and murderers and monsters go have a parade down the main street. It was lots of fun and she got a balloon.

"I got to kill some happy family and feast on their innards," says Lucinda. "And everyone was singing this one song about drilling holes in skulls. It was so much fun."

"I wish I could have gone," says Ted. "But I had to work all night and my work never ends."

"What do you do again? I forget."

"I make sure all the dead people in this graveyard stay in the ground when it's not time for a parade... oh shit!" Ted slaps his forhead with a tentacle. "I just remembered that I got the night off for the parade. Boy I feel dumb."

A dead person sticks his or her decomposing skull out of the ground nearby and croaks, "See? I told you we could come out of the ground tonight! Didn't I tell ya? Huh?"

"I'm sorry," says Ted. "But now you'll have to wait until next year's parade."

Another dead person sticks their head out nearby and yells, "What about Halloween? Since we missed the big parade, can we come out for Halloween?" A chorus of dead moans and croaks bellows their aggreement.

"I don't know..." Ted scratches one tentacle with another. He looks at Lucinda for help.

"They did miss the big parade..." she says. "It was really great, too. They had this one magician who could turn the remains of a devoured happy family into vampire bats. He was so awesome."

"Mm..." Ted thinks. "Okay, you guys can come out and play this Halloween, but just this one time. Don't expect it next year."

"Yay!" all the dead in the graveyard exclaim. "Yay for Ted!"

Ted shrugs his shoulders. "What are you doing for Halloween? I guess I get the day off."

"Oh, sorry," says Lucinda. "I have plans already."

"Doing what?"

"I don't know. I told Leonard I'd go out with him already."

"Oh, okay." Leonard sees a dead person crawling out of their grave. "Hey! Get back in there! Not until Sunday. Halloween isn't until Sunday." The rotted corpse mumbles something and retreats into its grave. "Maybe I'll just stay in," says Ted. "And give out poisoned candy to kids."

"That sounds great," says Lucinda. But she isn't listening. She's thinking about Leonard. And Ted dies a little inside for it.

As requested, we went looking for a pet, me and Mr. Happy Puppet Head. We feel like we need more responsibility, because responsiblity is a good thing.

And the idea of a giant bunny rabbit had come up as a possibility, so we went looking. Giant bunnies are a lot easier to find than one might think, but finding a giant bunny of quality is far more difficult. None of the ones in the pet stores had those sad eyes you can just fall in love with. Sad eyes are something one should always look for in a pet.

And then we found this one in a parking lot behind the pharmacy. There had been some sort of accident and the bunny was just standing there like it was about to melt from empathy.

So we hurried it home and away from the scene of whatever accident happened before the cops got there. We didn't want our new best friend to get mixed up in any legal mess.

And thus our new friend is fitting in just fine. We haven't named it yet, nor figured out whether it's a boy or a girl. Not wanting to make it feel uncomfortable, neither of us have checked. But a corner of the living room has been relegated as enormous bunny space, and we're feeding it all the quesadillas and salsa it wants (that's good bunny food).

So we'll see how this works out.

YAY! A NEW MOVIE! CLICK ON THE PICTURE!

he asks "would you cut your arm of for me?
she replies, "what? do you need it?"
and he says "nah."
"then no," she says. "you're crazy.
"you're not going to cut it off for me?"
"why do you want it?"
he rolls his eyes, "i don't know. 'cause i said so."
"if you liked me then you wouldn't ask me to cut my arm off."
"okay, fine, i need it."
"for what?" she asks. "are you going to eat it?"
"yeah," he replies. "it's gonna taste good."
"well sure, then. i'll give it to you."
"really?" he asks. "what about your right arm?"
"i assumed that's what we were talking about."
"wow." he thinks for a moment. "yeah, i guess i'd give you my arm, too. if you needed it to live."
"thanks."
"yeah. living with one arm but having you around is way better than having both my arms and you dead."
"totally."
"plus, it'd be more comfortable for snuggling up to you without that extra arm all the time in the way."
"wow," she says. "you're smart. we should just cut off our arms right now."
"hey," he asks. "was that just really romantic?"
"um, i'm a girl," she says.
"yeah, you're my girlfriend."
"no, we're just friends," she says. "i always thought you were a girl."
"no, i'm a boy... just friends, really?"
"yeah, but i thought you were a girl." she looks at him closely. "wow, i guess it's hard to tell with gerbils."
"i'm a hamster."
"oh, sorry." her green turtle-face blushes. "well i'm embarassed."

We've got a new way of begining the show now.

The studio is set up like a living room, nice and tidy, modestly decorated in blues and greys. As we fade in, the new theme song starts, which is a full orchestra making a lot of noise on their expensive stringed instruments. Mr. Happy Puppet Head is smashing the collectable plates arranged on the mantle when I walk in the door. I'm carrying my Midnight Mailbag and my flaming Sword of Justice.



While Mr. Happy Puppet Head knocks over the couch, I put out the flaming Sword of Justice in a bucket of justice water. I then change my fancy red and black cape to a fancy indoor plain black cape, and my fancy rubber boots to my indoor rubber boots.

Then me and Mr. Happy Puppet Head will stare directly into the camera and scream from our guts, a scream that has to do with all the pain and suffering in the world.

Cut to black, and begin the show.

Today's episode is all about cooking. Our first recipie is Peanut Butter Butter, which is basically a large stick of butter smeared with peanut butter.

It seems as if there is far too much to do in one day for Howie the little girl to keep up with.

"Wow," says Howie to her pet old man head, "I just want to sit down and relax but there's just so much to do."

She has to draw some pictures and take out the trash and clean the mold from behind Head's ears and avoid her older brother and eat all three meals and try to find the cookies inbetween and make her bed and jump on it as much as possible without her mom seeing her and sharpening that stick in the backyard against the concrete and chasing the roach out of her room and braiding and re-braiding her hair and taking a bath and doing her homework, not to mention going to school which sucks up most of every day.

"When I grow up," says Howie, "I'll live in a cave and kill anyone who tries to make me stop living there. I'll eat their insides for sustenance." Head nods his approval. "And we won't have to do anything we don't want to do," she adds.

The thought of a snuggly little cave in the montains with just her and Head and an assortment of skeletons makes her warm inside. She falls asleep under her bed, pretending they are caved already.

Stting on the porch, I'm pitching a new idea to Mr. Happy Puppet Head. It's for an Educati-FUN video tentatively entitled "Nothing is Forever." It's about a boy who is stranded on a desert island, and he befriends a whale.

"I don't know..." says Mr. Happy Puppet Head as he takes a swig from his hip flask.

"What? What don't you like?"

"You know, it just sounds kind of cheesy and stupid."

"No," I say. "It'd be so beautiful and poetic. See at first the boy is all lonely and scared because he's on this island all by himself, but then the whale brings him some kelp to eat and that starts their friendship."

Mr. Happy Puppet Head nods, eyes squinted as he looks off into the distance.

"So then they start becoming really good friends and they swim around and I have this great idea for this shot where he's riding on the whale's back and he stands up just as the whale jumps into the air and he pumps his fists over his head like he's having a really great time."

"Maybe..." he says as he takes another swig. "How about one night, they're just hanging out in the ocean, sharing stories and the boy is all talking about how much he misses his mom and his friends and stuff, and one thing leads to another... they start fooling around... and the boy starts humping the whale."

"Wow, that's good. I like that." I take off my goggles and wipe off the fog that's collecting. "And then, what about just after that they find the boy and take him away back to civilization and his mom and everything? The final shot can be as he's taking off in the helicopter and he's crying and he presses his face against the window and waves and cries hysterically and the whale does all these jumps and spouts water out the blowhole and makes all those whale sounds."

"Okay," says Mr. Happy Puppet Head. "What about years later he comes back to find the whale and it's all beached on the sand and just about to die and he runs to the whale and hugs it. And as the whale is dying, he starts humping it again. Just for old time's sake?"

"That might be a little much."

"Yeah," he takes another contemplative swig. "But we should still do it anyways. The dead whale-humping."

"Maybe..." I say. "I really think we've got something here. I'm excited."

We'll win awards for this one I think.

That's what I think.